Saturday, April 3, 2010


We've all had love dreams. We dream, and in our dream, we find a person special to us. What happens after that is unplanned. I've had many love dreams, even one ending with her father beating the life out of me on the floor of their "den".

The next day we went gardening together. Our hands touched.

Then I woke up.

More often than not we have these 'love dreams' when we're lonely. Our mind doesn't want to be lonely and when we become vulnerable, or asleep, our mind gets rid of our loneliness by creating someone special to us. Then, of course all of the things in our lives mix together and influence the rest- which could mean getting beat up, breaking up, or nothing. Our mind is selfish. If only they knew we would wake up, more often than not, alone in our beds, staring at the ceiling with an even more empty feeling than when we went to sleep.

It's like that short story, "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" in a way. Our main character is standing, preparing to be hanged- next thing we know, he's escaping, he's on an adventure, and eventually, he's home, hugging his wife and going to live happily ever after. Next thing we know; he's dropping and hanging from a noose. Sorry for the spoilers, by the way. Our character was going to be hanged; that's bad. Our character sets the thought in his mind that he's going to be free and happy, then hanged; that's terrible.

I had a love dream last night. It was probably a combination of being busy all day and then nothing to do and writing something that involves romance and relationships, at least I think so. This one did not stick as much as previous ones (like the beating), but there is one thing I remember specifically.

I met a girl, we began a relationship, the relationship ended, she dated my friend's brother. I was hanging out with said friend when the girl drops off my friend's brother. There was an air of awkwardness and gloom, and as he walked into the house she murmured "I never have a good boyfriend, I just slightly improve from the last." Of course, I wasn't over her and saw this as my golden opportunity. Her car pulls off and I'm right after it on foot. Her window's rolled down and I grab on, my feet trying to keep up.

"Maybe you realize that a previous boyfriend was all that you needed? That you've made a big mistake. Don't go"

No response.

My hands begin to slip, and at this point, my feet have stopped moving and just slap and bounce against the pavement.

"[Name], please. Give me one more chance."

My left hand rips from the window and I keep drifting backwards. I look in the left hand mirror for one last glimpse at her. I yell again. Nothing.

I slam against the pavement, rolling, scraping my arm a little bit. I stand up, watching her car disappear in the distance. I never saw her again. My friend and I got some coffee.

Then I woke up alone staring at the ceiling with an even more empty feeling than when I went to sleep.

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